Disclosure: This is meant to be funny and not to offend anyone who actually likes football. Word.
I love Fall but the one thing I hate about it, besides the impending doom of winter's snowfall, is that football season starts. I'll be the first to admit that I freaking hate football. I've never liked sports growing up. I was a ballerina and my dad never watched sports so I just never got into it. But Brian is a huge football fan so I kinda have to deal with it. Typically, on days when football is on, I crochet my face off and try to keep my mouth shut because all I do is laugh at the group of grown men throwing themselves on top of each other and smacking each others butts. But I can't help but laugh at the silly sexual innuendos in the terminology. Which brings me to my first item on my list.
1. I hate how many football terms can sound so perverted, which is actually pretty funny but it makes me wonder why these guys are considered to be so masculine when they are saying words like these:
-For example, sack, go deep, end zone, wide receiver, rear tackle, and tight end (which is my personal favorite).
2. I hate how frustrating the start-stop of the whole game seems.
-For example, there's this loooong ass set up and preparation for a play and then 2 seconds later its over with a heap of men on top of each other. Then it starts all over again.
3. I hate the smugness of some females who like football.
-For example, girls who basically lay it on thick about how much they like football because its such a rare occurrence that a girl likes football. Yep, I get it, someone who all the dudes want to hang out with and can relate to.
4. I hate all the fantasy football talk.
-For example, it's everywhere.
5. I hate how the players can be criminals, and still get to play...and have fans.
-For example, Michael Vick.
Why not try soccer? I've been watching since I was 5 and I'm now 68, and I still love it (and David Beckham) lol. Blessings
ReplyDeleteI'm not an unfit person. But I hate sports. It's for all of the reasons you just listed, but I also dispise how ridiculously over the top fans get. It's just ridiculous. I don't care what kind of football - American football or, pardon me, *real* football - they all attract lunatics.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the smugness of girls who like football, girl gamers can be the same. Girls who only play Call of Duty or some shit game like that and act like golden light shines out of their arse when they can't even shoot straight. There are a LOT of girls who play games, and a LOT of girls who like football. Why do they have to act so full of themselves? They're NOT special.
I am totally on your side here :P the only time football is of any use is if someone is actually playing it to get fit. Not being payed shit knows how much to kick or carry a ball across a field.
You hit the nail on the head!!! I personally detest football for the money reasons (same reason I hate movie star salary...really...do you need a few million every fucking season) and the michael vick thing. I think there's a few others I hate as well but nobody so much as a fucking MILLIONAIRE DOG FIGHTER WHAT THE FUCK.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, tight end is hilarious.
Yeah I get a kick out of the hockey terminology too. I swear the announcers have contests going to see how many sexual innuendos they can fit into a sentence sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOh god TOTALLY. I hate football. I hate baseball, soccer, basketball. The only sport I enjoy watching is hockey, and that's because they've largely dispensed with the formalities and mostly just beat the crap out of each other . It's very honest in that way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about the ladies liking sports. I feel like they go SUPER OVERBOARD to show HEY I LIKE FOOTBALL. Then just like football! No need to tell all of us!
I hate football, too! I also grew up a ballerina and while my husband and kids grew up on sports fields I grew up on a stage. It's hard to relate, especially when it's on TV. Watching it in person is definitely better, though I prefer soccer, hockey & basketball to football.
ReplyDeleteI am there with you, girlfriend.... I don't like football either. I just don't like that we are made to feel that WE are the odd ones, because WE don't follow football. And the way those that DO follow football talk about it like THEY are the ones that are playing the game...... I am so glad when fall/winter is over - and we can get back to some normality!!
ReplyDeleteI think football is the second most boring thing ever, after baseball (which has been on in my house incessantly due to my husband's team being in the playoffs).
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for me to even get into sports. I started liking baseball a few years ago and that was the extent of it lol
ReplyDeleteyes, i agree about the fitness part of it being good, like to get kids moving around, but that's about it for me :)
ReplyDeleteand then when they cut to commercial they are like, 'hey, wanna feel my tight end?' hahaha
ReplyDeletei actually kinda like hockey. especially because it's a short game! brian's a huge devil's fan so i've been to a few games and actually liked it.
ReplyDeletei do like watching gymnastics because its the most like ballet. but games with balls, not so much haha
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, you had me rolling on the floor. I am one of those girls who love football. I would not take offense to this, you rocked it. This is one post I am not going to forget.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I have nothing against football, I just have a complete lack of interest in it (although your last point about the criminals thing REALLY irks me as well - it's just wrong). Yet oddly enough, I absolutely love the TV show, 'The League' - which is entirely about a group of friends and their fantasy football league! I'm still baffled that I love the show; I guess the humor is just up my alley.
ReplyDeleteomg that's so funny i totally forgot I actually like that show too! my husband got me into it of course but it's pretty funny!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm not into (most) sports, either. I'd rather play than watch. My parents, and hell my whole family minus Jen, love watching sports. The only one we watch is NASCAR, and even then, we don't do that a lot. Bull riding, and the rodeo, is also quite fun - but mainly 'cause we've been there, and actually done that.
ReplyDeleteBut for the most part, I just can't get into watching most sports - so boring. I am SO thankful Jen isn't into any of them either!
I'm not a football fan. The sport itself is huge in Pittsburgh, and runs EVERYONE's lives. There were more people in the restaurant I worked at on Christmas than on a regular ol' Steelers Sunday. It's too stop and start for me (and frankly, hockey is just more my thing). Plus the fans seem to be less jerk-y as a whole.
ReplyDeleteThough, I do dig the football parties for chips and dip purposes. And it does kind of put me in a fall mood, even though I realize 10 minutes in that it's boring as all hell.