Free writing: A prettier way of saying word vomit

I'm free writing to see what will come out of me. I have been feeling a bit uninspired lately with the same day in, day out repetitiveness of working a day job so I don't really have anything to share about something fun we've done out and about. But this weekend we are going to an art and wine festival in Philadelphia...so I suppose that's something! They remind me so much of California because there were summers where we'd go to one anytime we heard about it and get buzzed and make fun of the way people dance to cover bands that play cheesy classic rock hits. Plus, with the weather getting nicer it feels more and more like California. But the weather is the only thing I miss about that state. Well, that and the friends we left behind.

It's so fucking hard to make friends. And it's been SO long that I've even hung out with anyone that I get to this state of thinking I don't need any friends, I'm fine on my own. I sort of grow this callus over my heart and forget about connecting with another individual. But then when a few friends from San Francisco came through the area with their band playing an east coast tour earlier this month, getting to talk to someone other than my husband and family was refreshing. It made me realize how much I do need and want friends. That I'm not really the loner and hermit that I always portray myself to be. So I proceeded to talk his face off about life, our new house, his new girlfriend, jobs and all that stuff because I really miss talking to people. I hope our new neighborhood has some other young couples that we can talk to and hang out with. That's basically the only way I'll get to meet anyone around here.

Another thing that's been on my mind a ton lately is the baby thing. It's not gonna happen till next year if all goes to plan, hopefully, but I took my last birth control pill ever yesterday mainly because my Dr. said that since I get aura with my migraines, I'm over 30 and taking bc pills, I could totally have a stroke. So yea, wow I'm old enough to have that risk actually happen to me. That's scary. But I'm also going to try to get off my migraine/anxiety meds early next year to be "baby ready" and that is going to be a nightmare to go through. I've tried getting off them before and I felt like a nervous wreck with head pain all day that makes me feel sick. I don't trust that I can survive without them. One day at a time though, right?