Note: Apparently, the definition of "the grass is greener syndrome" is used when referring to not being happy in your relationship. I did not know that until I Googled it. But that is not the case with me and this post. To me, it is more of wanting something I used to have or never being happy with a decision I've made. My relationship is fine.
I really hate this about myself because it just solidifies my inability to make a damn decision and not second guess myself, but I have this stupid grass-is-greener syndrome where once I get what I want, the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, whether that side is where I used to be or once I realize it's not actually what I thought it would be and want out. For instance, with every job I've ever had, within a few weeks or months, I usually start to grow tired of the job responsibilities for one reason or another and almost wish I didn't have to work again so I could have more time in my day to do what I want. But then I realize, fuck no, not working drove me insane, and it killed my self esteem with how I could not contribute financially to our household. How could I do that to myself again? But then again, maybe I feel this way because I'm so used to never keeping a job for longer than a year, that I get this itch where I need to change my environment and start fresh.
I'm really sick of this stupid cycle and it's so predictable with me. Once I start realizing that there is a figurative fence, I start fretting about if this is the job where I am going to spend the next 30 years of my life doing. Which then sparks a whole slew of thoughts like I am smarter than this, or I am wasting my education, or I can't do this long term, or I wish I had more time in my day to do what I want but that would make me unemployed again, especially if that job is not what I went to school for (IE my current job). Why do I have to always have to want a change of environment? Do I have job ADD? Am I just a giant kid needing constant stimulation to keep my attention?
But I'm learning to take what I can get in this world. If I have to work a job in a field I never thought I'd be working in before, so be it. If it's going to help make ends meet so I can be a self-supporting contributing member of society, then great. I need to accept that the world of employment is different than it was even just 3 few years ago and that it's not my fault I cant find a job in my chosen field. I need to learn how to break this stupid fence down so I can be happy with where I am and not want to always be on the other side of it.
And anyone who has ever said "follow your dreams" when it comes to choosing a career, obviously hasn't experienced trying to find a job in the last few years. It's a bunch of crap fed to kids (or anyone attending college at any age) these days when instead, they should be taught how to make smart decisions and think realistically. Dreams aren't real but your paycheck is.
After typing all this, I'm still slightly frustrated that I don't feel like I've gotten the right words out to express how I'm feeling about this. But it's the best I can do for now. I hate how I sound like I'm complaining about a job I took over a year to find. I don't hate the job itself, I'm just resentful that I can't work in a career that took me years to realize I belong in. I am aware that it makes me sound selfish, hence the reason I need to stop this nonsense about wanting to be on the other side of this stupid fence!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think everyone who has had to find a job within the last 5 years will relate, I took the first job that I could out of Uni and I'm here 5 years later because there is still nothing else available to me, and if there is, the competition is crazy fierce. It is so frustrating, because its a mixture of grass is greener and also - you have no other options, so you'll never know if the grass is greener or not...
ReplyDeleteI don't have any good sound advice on that one. I do this to myself also... just not in a job sort of way. I do know that once you get what you think you want, it's sometimes not what you wanted at all. Not very helpful, but you sound like you get all this anyway. Venting is not complaining. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is why I love you so much! It's so true, everything you say, especially the part about following your dreams being force fed to every hopeful university student....FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! PUT YOURSELF IN DEBT INDEFINITELY!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I figured out what a load of crap it was, I was both very angry, and very happy I'd snapped out of the societal (is that a word?) bullshit lie. Anyway, I don't know how to help with your fence problem. Just burn the fence and dance naked around the ashes and that should probably solve the problem.
Oh my gosh I can totally relate. The job I'm in currently is the longest I've been in one (just hit the 3 year mark!) The rest have all been between 9 months-1.5 years. But I totally get the itch like 6 months in every time. I'm pretty over the job I'm in now & wouldn't have been here as long as I have been if I hadn't gotten a promotion (which happens almost never in the field I'm in, so I was pretty happy about that). Now, I'm going back to school for a masters in statistics (at age 31!) because I need a change of pace. I think that part of my problem is once I'm in a place for too long I feel like I'm not making any progress "in life" & I'm just wasting time. Life gets stagnant. You know? AND I totally feel smarter than my job too! SO many people are underemployed now. In college you feel like you're so smart & so employable then you get to the "real world" & realize it's totally not the case :( Every job I've had I've HAD to take. I've never been in a position where I could make a choice, you know. I think that contributes to my general discontent in my employment situation as well...
ReplyDeleteDude, I definitely don't think you're alone in this. We're programmed as human beings to not be satisfied with what we're doing right now (I read an article on how your brain always craves new things/forgets the bad things). And it's such a frustrating time to job search given the economy and so many job-seekers. All I can do is send you good vibes and let you know that you can always talk to me if it helps. <3
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, I feel this way at least once a year or every six months at my job. No matter how many jobs I have had. I have had my current job for 3+ years now and it still happens. I am not leaving my job anytime soon. I know this but still I feel like I can't do anymore or don't like but soon enough I get over it again. One thing that helps me is to think of it as a "job" not a career. I leave all that work stuff at work when the day is over, it helps me to do that.
ReplyDeletehaha i would love to make it a bonfire and dance around :) it really was like a light went on once i came to realize that dreams hardly ever happen. i feel like i took the right matrix pill or something and woke up.
ReplyDeleteyea competition is why i can't get any radiology jobs. no one will hire me now that i've been out of the field for over a year. oh well!
ReplyDeletethanks jess :)
ReplyDeletei know what you mean about not having a choice. can you imagine even getting a sign on bonus? what the fuck are those? lol! a piece of ancient history, that's what.
ReplyDeletegood point about how humans are programmed to never be satisfied. it's so true. we are always taught to strive for the unobtainable (aka follow your dreams) and if that's the case, you'll never be happy because they are so hard to reach. le sigh.
ReplyDeleteyea i like the idea of giving up the word 'career' because it makes me depressed to think i'll probably never have one. a job is a job is a job :)
ReplyDeleteI think the reality of life is that only very few people actually get to fulfill their dream and do every day, all day what they really like to do. Most of us should be happy to find a job that we like with coworkers that we like and which hopefully pays well enough to live comfortably.
ReplyDeleteThis post couldn't have come at a better time for me. Your post a while back about things to do whilst unemployed meant a lot to me and I put that list on my wall. Now Ive found a job, also totally not in my field and it is making me question my future etc.
ReplyDeleteThis post has seriously helped me feel like I am not alone. Your thoughts echo my own however you have the maturity to really believe what you are saying. Thanks again Alycia!
I'm job hunting right now and it's a pain. I hate it. I'm barely employable after staying at home for so many years to raise my kids; which I have completely enjoyed but it feels so not worth it at this point. I feel like I'm just running a hamster wheel filling out these job applications because I don't even have enough experience to beat out high school kids for jobs at McDonald's.
ReplyDeletei wish they would tell kids at a younger age that there is a pretty good chance they won't get their dream job though and to make smart choices when it comes to learning skills that will help us in the future. it becomes so ingrained in us from such an early age that we can do whatever we want, that it's hard to accept as an adult. idk it is with me at least.
ReplyDeletei'm glad to have connected with you on this. it makes me feel just as good knowing i'm not alone either and even better that i helped someone :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you wrote this. I have been feeling this a lot lately. I'm not where I want to be (physically) but I get paid here. Now, we're two people getting paid here. And I had these ideas in college and even while living here, but they aren't real. You're damn right. I wish people taught less of the 'you can do anything'. I had a guy in college come in and speak once, and while he might have been a bit over the top in his realism, he was fairly right. At the end of the day, it's a paycheck.
ReplyDeletei feel you! i can only imagine how hard it must be to go through applying for jobs after raising kids for the last few years. i would ideally like to be a sahm when the time comes but know that i'd have a ridiculously hard time finding work after being out of the market for so long. my only advice is to scour craigslist because that way, you are at least connecting with someone and not one of those stupid online application things that never reach human eyes. but beware of spammers. or go through a hiring agency like appleone or something where they test your computer skills and help you find work. ugh it sucks all around :(
ReplyDeleteit's sad that we want to live out these dreams but very few actually get to because we live in the real world with a shitty economy. everyone just settles because they have to, and yea we get paid, but it kills you s.l.o.w.l.y inside. that is what scares me lol
ReplyDeleteI feel like this all. the. time. I only graduated a year ago, but I'm on my third job. Each one has been a step up from the last, but none of them are (a) in my field, (b) make any sort of use of my job skills, or (c) pay anywhere near enough to live on or pay back my overwhelming student debt. It sucks big time.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere that the average American changes careers something like five times in a lifetime. So...you're obviously not the only one who feels this way! It's fine, just do your best and keep an eye on the wowjobs website for greener grass in your down times. :)
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, paychecks can always been found if you're willing to work at McDonald's but not pursuing your dreams can feel like you're slowing killing yourself. I have a grass is greener mentality a lot of times, but I think it's my brain's way of keeping me working towards something. I think for a lot of us, the journey is more satisfying to us than the destination. We need to be working towards something to feel like we're accomplishing anything and getting to that finished place is oddly unsatisfying b/c that means we're no longer working towards anything. Nothing wrong w/ this though b/c if everyone sat still, nothing would ever get accomplished. Listen to your gut and figure out where it wants to go, then work towards that (and I totally get not being able to quit a perfectly good-paying job - just make sure it's not stifling your journey or your gut impulse to reach towards your goals).
ReplyDelete